You know, the ones that you admire in many ways but also want to fling into the sun on the hardest parenting days. Literally: What are we supposed to do with these infuriating but also admirable stubborn monsters?
I have a strong-willed daughter, too.
As a parent, it’s not uncommon to feel like you’re at your wit’s end when dealing with a strong-willed child. But before we dive into the solutions, let’s acknowledge that these kids are often a gift. They’re confident, determined, and unafraid to speak their minds. And yes, they can also be exhausting, frustrating, and downright infuriating at times.
I feel like she’s forcing me into being an overly permissive parent.
I’m guessing that many of you, like me, have found yourself wondering if you’re doing enough to set boundaries and establish clear expectations. Are you being too soft, too lenient, or too permissive? The truth is, every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another.
And I am tired.
Parenting a strong-willed child can be draining, both physically and emotionally. You may feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, trying to anticipate what they’ll say or do next. And when they push back, it can feel like a never-ending battle.
Everything is an argument.
But here’s the thing: these battles are not just about winning or losing; they’re about teaching your child valuable life skills, like communication, problem-solving, and self-regulation. It’s about showing them how to express themselves effectively, how to listen to others, and how to navigate conflict in a healthy way.
So, what’s the best advice for raising a strong-willed child? We asked our Scary Mommy readers for their two cents, and here’s what they had to say:
Always Let Them Have a Respectful Opinion of Their Own
It’s essential to create a safe and supportive environment where your child feels heard and understood. Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings, even if you don’t agree. This will help them develop critical thinking skills, build confidence, and learn to articulate their opinions effectively.
Never Tell Them What They Think
Avoid telling your child what they think or feel, as this can come across as dismissive and invalidating. Instead, ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. This will help you better understand their perspective and build trust in your relationship.
Explain Why Things Are Being Done
Transparency is key when it comes to raising a strong-willed child. Explain the reasoning behind your decisions, rules, and expectations. This will help them understand the context and develop a sense of responsibility.
Let Them Ask Questions and Answer Honestly
Encourage your child to ask questions and seek clarification when needed. Answer their questions honestly and provide guidance without being too prescriptive. This will help them develop critical thinking skills and learn to navigate ambiguity.
Set Boundaries and Don’t Let Them Cross Them!
Setting clear boundaries is essential when raising a strong-willed child. Establish rules and expectations, and consistently enforce them. This will help your child develop self-discipline, responsibility, and respect for others.
Remember What It Was Like to Be a Kid
As a parent, it’s easy to forget what it was like to be a child. Put yourself in your child’s shoes and try to see things from their perspective. This will help you better understand their needs, wants, and feelings.
Embrace Their Strengths
Strong-willed children often have unique strengths and talents. Encourage and support these qualities, and help your child develop them into skills and passions.
Have a Sense of Humor and a Good Support Network
Raising a strong-willed child can be challenging, but it’s essential to maintain a sense of humor and perspective. Surround yourself with a supportive network of family and friends who can offer guidance, encouragement, and a listening ear.
Remember, It’s Not You
It’s easy to blame yourself when your child is pushing boundaries or testing limits. But the truth is, every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. Remember that your child’s behavior is not a reflection of your parenting; it’s a reflection of their unique personality and needs.
Play-Based Therapy Can Really Teach You How to Set Them Up for Success
Play-based therapy is an excellent way to engage your child in learning and development. This approach focuses on fun, interactive activities that promote social, emotional, and cognitive growth.
Pick Your Battles, and Let Them Win Some
It’s essential to pick your battles and know when to let your child win. This will help them develop a sense of confidence and self-worth, and reduce conflict in the long run.
Lots of Caffeine for the Parents and Lots of Consistency for the Kids
Let’s face it: parenting a strong-willed child can be exhausting. Make sure to take care of yourself, too, with plenty of rest, exercise, and caffeine when needed. Consistency is key when it comes to setting boundaries and expectations.
Buckle In for a Wild Ride
Raising a strong-willed child can be a wild ride, but it’s also an opportunity to develop valuable life skills, like resilience, adaptability, and creativity.
Repeat This to Yourself: “It’s My Job to Share My Calm, Not to Join Their Chaos”
When your child is pushing boundaries or testing limits, it’s essential to remain calm and composed. This will help them develop self-regulation skills and learn to manage their emotions in a healthy way.
Let Them Make Some Decisions
Giving your child autonomy and decision-making power can help them develop a sense of responsibility and self-confidence. Encourage them to make choices and take ownership of their actions.
Do Your Best to Help Them Harness Their Energy into Positive Things Like Sports or the Arts
Help your child find healthy outlets for their energy and creativity. Encourage them to explore sports, music, art, or other activities that promote physical and emotional well-being.
Hold Your Ground and Breathe
Setting boundaries and expectations is essential when raising a strong-willed child. Hold your ground and remain firm, even when it’s challenging. Take deep breaths and remember that it’s okay to disagree.
Let Them Be Exactly Who They Are, and Guide Them on When They Should Use Their Strong Will
Respect your child’s individuality and unique personality. Encourage them to be themselves, and offer guidance when they need it.
Hear Them Out Always, But Be Firm on the Things That Matter Most
Listen to your child’s concerns and feelings, but also be firm on the things that matter most, like safety, respect, and responsibility.
Teach Them How to Appropriately Question Authority
Help your child develop critical thinking skills and learn to question authority in a respectful and constructive way.
If It’s Not Hurting Anyone, Let Them Explore!
Give your child the freedom to explore, learn, and grow. Encourage them to take risks, ask questions, and seek out new experiences.
Have a Lot of Wine on Hand
Let’s face it: parenting a strong-willed child can be challenging, and sometimes, you need a little help coping. Have a glass of wine (or two) and remember that you’re not alone.
Always Remind Them of the Good They Possess
Encourage your child to recognize and celebrate their strengths and accomplishments. This will help them develop a positive self-image and build confidence.
Validate Their Feelings When They Have Big Emotions
When your child is experiencing big emotions, validate their feelings and offer empathy. This will help them develop emotional regulation skills and learn to manage their emotions in a healthy way.
Remind Yourself That They Are a Child
It’s essential to remember that your child is still learning and growing. They’re testing boundaries, not being a bad kid.
Look for Ways to Say Yes
Instead of focusing on what you can’t do, look for ways to say yes to your child’s requests and needs. This will help build trust and strengthen your relationship.
Love Them
Most importantly, remember to love and accept your child for who they are. Strong-willed or not, they’re a unique and precious individual who deserves your love, support, and guidance.
I hope these nuggets of wisdom help you get you to a better place — and help you strike that careful balance between letting your spirited child shine and making sure there are guardrails in place for them, too.
