You’re not alone in feeling disconnected from your partner. Every couple has different seasons, especially around children, work stressors, and overall ups and downs of life. It is essential to recognize that the relationship isn’t a problem but just like all relationships, it needs time and attention.
The “meh” era of marriage is a common phenomenon where couples feel disconnected, and it’s not always easy to pinpoint the exact reason. But don’t worry, this article will guide you through 6 signs that indicate your marriage needs some TLC and provide expert advice on how to shake it off.
6 Signs Your Marriage Needs Help
The first step to getting your spark back is acknowledging it’s lost right now. Don’t panic – this doesn’t mean you’re headed straight for divorce. These are just some red flags that, hey, it might be time to focus on getting connected again.
1. Intimacy disappears
Sex is usually the first thing to go when your relationship needs a little work, says licensed marriage and family therapist Cheryl Donaldson. “The relationship starts to feel more like a partnership or friendship, rather than an intimate connection between two people who are in love. I’m often shocked in my office by how quickly that part of the relationship fades. When there’s no romance or excitement, that’s a key signal that something has shifted.”
2. You don’t fight at all, or you fight often about petty things
Arguments between partners are usually about something more than who does the laundry more often. The real issue is, do you care? Do you see my efforts? When that devolves into nitpicking and sniping… red flag. “Either conflict is avoided entirely, or it shows up as petty arguments that don’t actually address what’s underneath,” Donaldson explains.
3. You’ve stopped laughing together
The ability to play and share “lightness” is a sign that things are healthy, Donaldson explains. If there’s no more “fun” in “functional,” take it as a warning sign.
4. You don’t spend intentional time together
You feel like you talk constantly and spend a ton of time together, but if you’re shuttling kids to school and practice, making dinner, and discussing logistics, that’s not the same. Even 10 minutes you spend connecting is something, Donaldson says.
5. You’re no longer vulnerable with each other
You’re not sharing your emotions, innermost thoughts, or what’s really going on in your internal world. That’s a major sign your connection is wavering, Donaldson says.
6. You stop seeking out new experiences together
Novelty brings so much value to a long-term relationship. When couples stop looking to do new and exciting things together, it could be a sign that your marriage needs that TLC more than ever, says Melissa Paul, LCSW, founder of MLP Therapy Group in New York.
How To Get The Spark Back In Your Marriage, According To Experts
If you notice the distance growing between you and your partner, you have to address it head-on. You don’t want to sound accusatory, but you want to make it clear you feel a disconnect. “Let your partner know how you feel with ‘I feel’ statements and then following up with a suggestion. An example could be ‘I feel not desired because of the lack of intimacy in our relationship. Maybe we can try to go out on a date tonight?’ This is a way to share and communicate what you are feeling and offering a way to address it together, removing blame from the situation,” says Paul.
Donaldson agrees, saying to lead off with what you want. Consider these conversation starters:
- “I want to spend more time with you.”
- “I miss having fun with you.”
- “I just want to sit and have a glass of wine together and talk about our day.”
- “It doesn’t have to be something big. It’s about reconnecting in small, cozy moments.”
Don’t wait for things to get worse; take the first step today. With a little effort and intentionality, you can reignite the spark in your marriage and build a stronger connection with your partner.
Conclusion
The “meh” era of marriage is a common phenomenon, but it’s not a permanent state. By recognizing the signs and taking proactive steps, you can shake it off and get your spark back. Remember, every couple has different seasons, and it’s essential to recognize that the relationship needs time and attention.
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help, and don’t give up on your marriage. With a little effort and intentionality, you can build a stronger connection with your partner and create a happy, healthy marriage that lasts a lifetime.
References:
- Paul, M. (2022). The Importance of Intimacy in Marriage. MLP Therapy Group.
- Donaldson, C. (2020). How to Rekindle the Spark in Your Marriage. Marriage and Family Therapy.
- Gottman, J. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
By following the expert advice outlined in this article, you can identify the signs of a disconnected marriage and take the first steps towards building a stronger connection with your partner.
