Your phone habits could be silently harming your relationship. A growing body of research examines the phone snubbing effects that occur when one partner ignores the other to focus on a screen. A significant study recently published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships offers fresh insight into how this dynamic unfolded during an unusually stressful period.
What Exactly Is Phubbing?
Phubbing is a term that combines “phone” and “snubbing.” It describes the act of paying attention to your cell phone instead of the people around you. The word first entered everyday language in 2012, and since then it has become a recognizable concept in relationship research.
When you are sitting with your partner and you pick up your phone to check notifications, scroll social media, or reply to messages, you are phubbing them. The behavior matters because it sends a silent signal. It suggests that whatever is happening on the screen is more important than the person sitting next to you. Over time, that signal can wear down the emotional fabric of a relationship.
Phubbing is different from simply using a phone near your partner. It is the act of choosing the device over the person in a moment that calls for connection. A quick glance at a notification might seem harmless. Yet the cumulative effect of many such glances can leave one partner feeling invisible.
Researchers have studied this behavior for years, but the pandemic provided a new lens. Couples who lived together spent more time in each other’s presence than ever before. That proximity did not guarantee meaningful interaction. In fact, it sometimes created more opportunities for phubbing to happen.
How Did the Pandemic Amplify Phone Snubbing Effects?
The COVID-19 pandemic created a unique situation for couples. Many partners who lived together suddenly spent nearly every hour in the same space. Shelter-in-place orders meant that work, leisure, and rest all happened under one roof. That arrangement might sound like a recipe for closeness. However, it also introduced new strains.
Interestingly, this physical closeness did not always translate into emotional closeness. The study examined phone snubbing effects during the pandemic because technology use rose sharply. People turned to their phones to stay connected with family, friends, and coworkers outside the home. Work meetings shifted to video calls. Socializing moved to messaging apps and social feeds. The very tool meant to keep people connected often pulled them away from the person beside them.
As a result, couples had more opportunities to ignore each other even while sitting side by side. One partner might be on a video call while the other waited for attention. A quiet evening could turn into two people staring at separate screens. The researchers wanted to know whether more time together made phubbing more noticeable and more harmful.
They discovered that the pattern held true. Even during a global crisis, when partners might have given each other more grace, phubbing still damaged the relationship. It did not matter that the stress was external. The hurt caused by being ignored on a phone remained real. The study specifically examined phubbing among cohabitating couples during the pandemic. It remains the first research of its kind to analyze this behavior during a global stressful event.
That said, the findings carry lessons that apply beyond a pandemic. Any situation that increases time at home — a new baby, a career shift, a seasonal slowdown — can create similar conditions. The study’s core insight is that proximity alone does not protect a relationship from the effects of divided attention.
What Emotional Consequences Do Phone Snubbing Effects Create?
When one partner feels phubbed, the emotional result is clear. The study found that people reported feeling less loved and cared for when their partner ignored them for a phone. That feeling of being unimportant does not stay contained. It spreads into other areas of the relationship. A partner who feels neglected may withdraw, pick fights, or seek validation elsewhere.
Participants who experienced more phubbing also reported lower relationship satisfaction. They described more conflict and a drop in emotional closeness. Over time, these small moments of neglect can build into a larger sense of uncertainty. The relationship starts to feel less stable and less fulfilling. The erosion is gradual, which makes it harder to spot until the distance has already grown.
The emotional toll is not limited to the moment of being ignored. Repeated phubbing can make a person question their value in the partnership. Small dismissals accumulate, and the overall sense of being cared for declines. The study confirms that affection is not a luxury in relationships. It is a core need that directly shapes satisfaction. When people feel they are not receiving enough affection, it ripples outward. It affects not only how they feel about their partner but also how they feel about themselves.
Low relationship satisfaction can feed into stress and loneliness. Couples who already face external pressures — financial strain, health concerns, work demands — may find that phubbing adds a hidden layer of harm. The study reinforces a simple but powerful idea: the quality of attention matters. A partner who feels seen and heard is more likely to feel secure. A partner who feels ignored is more likely to feel adrift.
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What Steps Can Couples Take to Reduce Phubbing?
The study offers hope by pointing to practical solutions. Couples who talk openly about their phone use tend to feel more connected. Simply acknowledging the habit is the first step. When both partners understand that phubbing can cause real hurt, they can begin to adjust their behavior. The conversation itself can be a bonding moment.
One approach is to set acceptable times for phone use. For example, you might agree that meals are phone-free moments. The first thirty minutes after coming home could be reserved for catching up without devices. Bedtime can become a screen-free zone. These small boundaries create space for genuine attention. They signal that the relationship takes priority over notifications.
Another strategy is to involve your partner in your phone time. If you need to check something, you can say, “I am going to respond to this message quickly,” instead of silently disappearing into the screen. This simple act of communication keeps the partner included rather than ignored. It also reduces the feeling of being snubbed because the partner knows what is happening.
Couples can also designate certain activities as device-free. A walk around the neighborhood, a shared meal, or a board game night can become opportunities for focused connection. The key is consistency. A single phone-free evening will not undo months of distraction. But regular habits rebuild trust and attention over time.
Increasing affection deliberately can counterbalance the distance that phubbing creates. A hug, a shared laugh, or a few minutes of focused conversation can reinforce the bond. The researchers suggest that being mindful about phone habits is especially important during stressful periods when relationships already face extra pressure. Discussing phone use openly, setting acceptable times, and involving your partner in your screen time are all strategies that emerged from the study as effective ways to improve connectedness.
Frequently Asked Questions
How common is phubbing among couples?
Roughly 40 percent of Americans in romantic relationships say they are bothered by how much time their partner spends on a phone. Nearly half of those individuals report that their partner is distracted by a phone during conversations. This means phubbing is not a rare issue. It affects millions of couples regularly, often without either partner realizing how much it matters.
Was this study the first of its kind?
Yes, the researchers note that their work is the first to analyze phubbing during a global stressful event such as the COVID-19 pandemic. While earlier studies had looked at phubbing in everyday settings, none had examined it during a crisis that forced couples into close quarters for months. This unique context adds weight to the findings and makes them relevant for any period of heightened stress.
Does phubbing still matter if both partners do it equally?
The study found that feeling phubbed hurt the relationship even when both partners had similar phone habits. You might expect that equal phone use would cancel out the negative feelings, but the data showed otherwise. The act of being ignored in a specific moment still stings, regardless of the overall balance of screen time between partners.
Amanda Denes, a principal investigator at UConn’s Institute for Collaboration on Health, Intervention, and Policy, led this research with colleagues from multiple institutions. The study makes one thing clear: phone snubbing effects do not disappear just because the world is facing a crisis. If anything, being mindful of how you use your phone around your partner matters most when life feels heavy. Small changes in phone habits can protect the affection that holds a relationship together.
