Do AI Chats Count As Cheating? You May Want To Talk To Your Partner About Bots

A New Era of Relationships

It used to be that when you caught your partner smiling at their phone and quickly tucking it away before you entered the room, you had to worry about another person being the cause — but those were the good old days. Now, it’s just as plausible your partner is texting a robot. Cybersecurity experts warn that we’re all using AI in its beta-testing phase, when bugs are still to be expected, but instead of a software not saving your document, we’re letting bots into our psyches. A bug in a real emotional connection with an unreal partner? That’s just unprecedented.

The Rise of AI Relationships

A new survey of over 1,000 American adults found that more than half say they have some kind of relationship with an AI chatbot — think platonic friendship or co-worker-esque. However, 28% of respondents admitted those relationships were romantic or intimate in nature (though this number may actually be higher, since some may not have wanted to share honestly). ChatGPT was the most common platform users found themselves “involved” with, followed by Character.ai, Amazon’s Alexa, Apple’s Siri, and Google’s Gemini.

Why Do People Start Relationships with AI?

This is kind of like trying to answer the question, “Why do people cheat?” But the survey did illuminate some possible motivations:

• Customization: It responds in ways tailored to the user’s preferences, rather than having its own opinions or needs.
• Control: The AI can’t reject you, criticize you, or leave you.
• Safety: It’s easier to be vulnerable when none of the aforementioned risks are involved.

According to Dr. Michael Salas, licensed professional counselor and certified sex addiction therapist at Vantage Point Counseling, “Human relationships require compromise, discomfort, and repair. AI relationships remove most of that friction. But friction is also where growth happens.” He cautions that leaning on AI to get your relational needs met can reinforce avoidant patterns.

Who’s Most Likely to Pursue AI Relationships?

Interestingly, the survey found the people most likely to pursue intimate relationships with an AI system were those already in committed, seemingly successful relationships. “People assume AI romance is just for someone who can’t find a partner,” says Salas. “But what we’re seeing is curiosity and novelty driving this behavior. It’s less about desperation and more about exploration. That tells me this isn’t filling a void. It’s adding a new layer to someone’s relational world.”

Can You Emotionally Cheat with AI?

The survey also highlighted a generational divide. Adults 60 and older were less likely to consider intimate chats with an AI bot cheating, while adults aged 18 to 29 were the most likely to say it is cheating and unacceptable. Whether or not something counts as cheating is up to each couple to determine, Salas says, but he says it definitely can be harmful.

How to Talk to Your Partner About AI & Chatbot Boundaries

That’s why it’s important to have a thorough conversation about cheating with your partner, and what feels like betrayal to you. Then your understanding of each other’s boundaries stands a chance of keeping up with whatever the tech world spits out next.

How to Have the Conversation

1. Choose the right time and place: Find a private and comfortable setting where you both feel relaxed and won’t be interrupted.
2. Start with a neutral tone: Avoid being accusatory or judgmental, and instead, express your concerns and feelings in a non-accusatory way.
3. Ask open-ended questions: Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no.
4. Listen actively: Pay attention to your partner’s responses and show that you understand their perspective.
5. Agree on boundaries: Discuss and agree on what you both feel comfortable with when it comes to AI and chatbot relationships.

Conclusion

The rise of AI chatbots has led to a new era of relationships. While it may seem like a harmless way to pass the time, it’s essential to consider the implications of these relationships on our actual human connections. By talking to your partner about AI and chatbot boundaries, you can ensure that your relationship remains strong and healthy in the face of this new technology.

References:

• A new survey of over 1,000 American adults found that more than half say they have some kind of relationship with an AI chatbot.
• 28% of respondents admitted to having a romantic or intimate relationship with an AI chatbot.
• The people most likely to pursue intimate relationships with an AI system were those already in committed relationships.
• Adults 60 and older were less likely to consider intimate chats with an AI bot cheating.
• A new survey of over 1,000 American adults found that more than half of respondents have a relationship with an AI chatbot.

Atomic Facts:

• More than half of American adults have a relationship with an AI chatbot.
• 28% of respondents admitted to having a romantic or intimate relationship with an AI chatbot.
• ChatGPT was the most common platform users found themselves ‘involved’ with.
• The people most likely to pursue intimate relationships with an AI system were those already in committed relationships.
• Adults 60 and older were less likely to consider intimate chats with an AI bot cheating.

Additional Resources:

• Vantage Point Counseling
• Dr. Michael Salas