I Dated a “Therapist” Who Made Me Feel Anything But Safe

Introduction

I met Ducky through Hinge in an effort to date more. I hadn’t gone on a date in over a year, and the idea of it was overwhelmingly daunting, but Ducky seemed like a safe choice for re-entry: He was a year older than me and his profile said that he was a therapist. I recognized him as the same guy who recently had slid into my Instagram DMs to ask me on a date as well. Persistent, I thought, admiring the eagerness of his interest. This also meant to me that he knew that I was trans, making any awkward conversations unnecessary. Feeling jaded by men who’d rather be chased than do the chasing, I responded to his Hinge ‘like,’ and then his DM, and we soon had plans to go on a date.

Red Flags from the Start

When planning for the date, he didn’t want to do anything outside of his Manhattan neighborhood, meaning I’d have a commute of just under an hour each way. I gave him the benefit of the doubt; I figured maybe the overworked mental health specialist wanted to show me where he enjoyed blowing off steam after work. We agreed to meet at a barcade-type jaunt he frequented in the area.

The Date

We played two rounds of pool before sitting at the bar to have a real conversation. He told me about the odd hours he worked, his commuter lifestyle, and what kind of training he was doing to get his mental health counselor license. This was when I realized Ducky wasn’t actually a therapist yet . I asked him what made him choose this path and he told me about his family and his desire to help people working through addiction. He was interesting and his work was noble.

The First Kiss

He had just come back from the bathroom when the conversation hit a lull and he took this as an opportunity to lean in for a kiss. Right there at the bar, just the ambient noise of the gamers around us, he laid one on me—fast and wet. I must have turned bright red, not the ideal reaction to a first kiss, because he looked puzzled when he finally pulled away. “Sorry, I just haven’t been kissed in a while,” I told him. “It totally took me by surprise.”

A Complicated Follow-Up

When we finally pulled our faces apart, I decided it was the perfect time to end the date. Ducky walked me to my train and kissed me a final time, saying goodnight, and we texted all the way home. I sent him the pop song I was listening to on the train, and he sent me something punk and indie. Interesting, I thought, maybe this is what people mean by opposites attract? I texted my friends and reflected on the date, smiling at my phone. At home, I gushed to my roommate. I wasn’t giddy, but I was eager to explore this connection further.

Red Flags in the Texts

As I got in bed, I got a text from Ducky, but it wasn’t the sweet goodnight text I was hoping for—it was a raunchy sext: “I wanna tease you until you get super excited and flustered and you let me pin you down and use you till it drips out.” I almost threw my phone. Red flags of a trans fetish immediately started circling my thoughts. I didn’t know how to respond, so I sent back a quick, “Woaaaaah hahahaha” along with some coy emojis. I added: “Sexting is confusing lol” and “I’m going to bed but enjoy your imagination.” I was hoping he’d pick up on the fact that I wasn’t quite feeling it.

Compartmentalization and Ignoring Warning Signs

Ignoring the fact that I curved his sexts, and entirely compartmentalizing the sexts myself, we made plans the next day for our second date. He once again suggested a date in his Manhattan neighborhood, and I agreed, despite the long commute. I was trying to give him a chance, to see if there was something genuine beneath the surface. But as the date loomed closer, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was off.

Postponing the Second Date and a Late-Night Hookup

Just as we were about to meet up, Ducky texted me that he was postponing the date due to strep throat. But his suggestion for a late-night hookup via text made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to respond, and I didn’t want to be rude.

Conclusion

Looking back, I realize that I should have trusted my instincts and ended things after the sexts. But I was trying to be open-minded, to give him a chance. I was wrong to compromise my own comfort and boundaries. I deserved better than a man who made me feel anything but safe.

As a trans woman, I have experienced my fair share of toxic relationships and fetishization. Ducky’s behavior was a clear red flag, and I should have seen it coming. I won’t make that mistake again.

If you’re reading this and you’re in a similar situation, trust your instincts. You deserve to feel safe and respected in your relationships. Don’t compromise your own boundaries and comfort for anyone.

Atomic Facts

• Ducky is a year older than the narrator
• Ducky is studying to be a mental health professional
• The narrator is trans
• Ducky slid into the narrator’s Instagram DMs
• Ducky wanted to keep the date in his Manhattan neighborhood
• The narrator had to commute almost an hour each way for the date
• Ducky wasn’t a therapist yet
• Ducky’s family motivated him to become a mental health professional
• Ducky came back from the bathroom to kiss the narrator
• The narrator sent Ducky a text after the date with a pop song
• Ducky sent the narrator a text with a punk and indie song
• Ducky sent the narrator a raunchy sext
• The narrator did not respond with enthusiasm to Ducky’s sext
• Ducky postponed their second date due to strep throat
• Ducky suggested a late-night hookup after canceling their date