Can Selfishness Be a Positive Force?
The word lands like a slap. Most of us were raised to believe that putting ourselves first is a character flaw. But Kerry Docherty, co-founder of the family-owned clothing and lifestyle brand Faherty, challenges that assumption head-on. In her memoir Selfish: Unlearning, Reclaiming, and Telling the Truth, she argues that the relationship between selfishness and creativity is not only real — it is essential. Docherty holds a B.A. in Psychology from Yale University and a J.D. from Pepperdine Caruso School of Law, yet nothing in her formal education prepared her for the burnout she would face as a new mother and business builder.
She found herself running on empty. The daily grind of building a brand while raising small children left her depleted. The spark that had once driven her seemed to disappear. Then she began experimenting with what she calls “selfish acts” — small choices that prioritized her own energy and passions over everyone else’s expectations. The result was not neglect of her family or her work. It was the opposite. She became more present, more creative, and more capable of giving to the people who depended on her.
That redefinition is at the heart of her message. When selfishness means prioritizing the things that make you feel alive, it transforms from a vice into a survival strategy. This is not permission to abandon responsibilities. It is an invitation to refill your own well so you have something left to offer the world.
How Does Starting a Business With Family Affect a Marriage?
Docherty launched Faherty in 2013 alongside her college boyfriend, who is now her husband, and his twin brother. What began as a shared dream quickly became a test of identity. She jokes that working with your husband can either make or break a marriage, and she means it literally. When you share both a home and a company, every conversation carries double weight.
Here is where it gets interesting. The lines between spouse and business partner blur so completely that Docherty sometimes had to ask, “Are you talking to me right now as my husband or as my business partner?” That question reveals a tension many family-business owners recognize but rarely name. The roles become enmeshed. A disagreement about inventory can feel like a personal fight. A moment of marital friction can spill into a strategy session.
The result is that couples in this situation must work extra hard to separate the two conversations. Docherty learned that doing so requires explicit boundaries and a willingness to name which hat you are wearing at any given moment. Without that clarity, the business can consume the marriage and the marriage can drain the business.
This experience ultimately shaped her understanding of selfishness. She realized that she had sacrificed her own career trajectory to make her husband’s vision a reality. That realization did not lead to resentment. It led to a conscious decision to reclaim the parts of herself that had been shelved along the way.
Why She Titled Her Memoir ‘Selfish’ and How Selfishness and Creativity Connect
Docherty chose the title deliberately. She understood that the word “selfish” would activate something in her readers, especially women who were trained from an early age to put others first. A man can work relentlessly on building a company, sacrifice his domestic duties, and be called ambitious. When a woman does the same, she risks being labeled selfish.
In her own words, she defines selfish as prioritizing the things that make her feel alive. That definition opens the door to a deeper exploration of selfishness and creativity. For Docherty, the most selfish act she can commit is unbridled creativity — writing honestly about her life even when it might make other people uncomfortable. She is not trying to be subversive. She simply asked herself, “What if I wrote a book about what it is like to be me?” The answer became a memoir that refuses to soften the truth.
This is where the link between selfishness and creativity becomes concrete. Creativity requires a kind of protective boundary. You cannot produce original work if you are constantly checking to see whether everyone approves. Docherty argues that giving yourself permission to create without apology is one of the most important “selfish” choices you can make.
How Does She Reconcile Being a Mom and an Individual?
As a new mother, Docherty made sacrifices that many parents will recognize. She put her own career on hold to ensure that her husband’s vision for Faherty could become real. The grind left her feeling lost, drained, and uninspired. She was present for her family but absent from herself.
On the other hand, the shift toward “selfish” choices did not mean abandoning her children. It meant showing them a more complete version of their mother. She models the idea that she is both a mom and an individual with her own needs. She is honest when things are hard. She does not pretend that motherhood erased her desire to write, create, and build.
That honesty is the thread that holds everything together. Her children see her struggle and her joy. They watch her make time for her own creative projects. They learn that a full life includes responsibilities to others but also responsibilities to yourself. Docherty believes that teaching her kids this lesson is one of the most valuable gifts she can give them.
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Rethinking Selfishness and Creativity in Everyday Life
The memoir explores five distinct themes: marriage, motherhood, business, longing, and creativity. These are not separate compartments. They overlap and feed into one another. Docherty noticed that each theme demanded its own kind of attention, and that giving herself space to engage with all of them required deliberate “selfish” choices.
For readers who feel trapped by obligation, her approach offers a practical starting point. Begin by identifying one thing that makes you feel alive — not productive, not impressive, but alive. Then protect that thing as if it were a lifeline, because in many ways it is. Docherty found that the more she honored her creative instincts, the more energy she had for her family and her role at Faherty.
This is the paradox at the heart of her philosophy. Prioritizing yourself does not deplete the people around you. It gives them a more fully realized version of you. And that version is far more capable of showing up, contributing, and creating meaningful work.
Frequently Asked Questions
How does Kerry Docherty define selfishness in her memoir?
She defines selfish as prioritizing the things that make you feel alive. This is not about indulging every impulse. It is about protecting the activities, relationships, and creative outlets that sustain your energy and individuality over the long term.
What does the memoir cover beyond selfishness and creativity?
The book explores five main themes: marriage, motherhood, business, longing, and creativity. Each section of the memoir examines how Docherty navigated the tension between her own needs and the expectations placed on her as a wife, mother, and co-founder of a growing brand.
Can someone apply Docherty’s ideas without harming their relationships?
Yes. Docherty argues that redefining selfishness as self-preservation actually strengthens relationships. When you refill your own energy, you show up more fully for your partner, your children, and your colleagues. Honest communication about your needs is the key to making this approach work.
Docherty stepped into her role as Faherty’s Chief Impact Officer with the same honesty that drives her writing. Her initiatives, including a re-sale site and partnerships with Native artists, helped the brand earn B Corp Certification. These efforts reflect her belief that business can be a force for positive change when the people behind it are willing to think creatively and act boldly.
This article was sponsored by Jeep.
