Planning a wedding is complicated enough. But what if your family is split across continents, cultures, and time zones? That was the reality for Tiffany Weger-Wong, a Malaysian Chinese American woman who grew up in Queens, New York, with just her mother. Her father and extended family lived in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, a 10,000-mile flight away. When she and her now-husband Ben got engaged, Tiffany knew she wanted both sides of her family to celebrate with them. The only solution? Host two weddings, one in Brooklyn and one in Kuala Lumpur. Her story offers a beautiful look at how couples can honor multiple traditions and bring loved ones together, even when a single event simply won’t work.
The Decision to Have Two Weddings
Tiffany always dreamed of having two weddings. Her mother has nine siblings, so her extended family in Malaysia is large and close-knit. Flying all of them to New York for one ceremony would have been nearly impossible. At the same time, the life she and Ben had built was in New York City. Splitting the celebration into two events meant everyone could participate without the burden of international travel. For many couples with families spread across countries, hosting separate ceremonies is a practical and heartfelt choice. It allows each side to feel fully included, and it gives the couple a chance to experience two distinct cultural celebrations.
“I always loved going back to visit because I have so many aunties, uncles, and cousins,” Tiffany recalled. The two-wedding plan also meant her father could attend the first event in Brooklyn, while her mother helped her prepare for the second in Kuala Lumpur. This approach is increasingly common among multicultural families. According to a 2023 survey by The Knot, about 12% of couples in the United States host more than one wedding reception or ceremony, often to accommodate long-distance relatives or religious traditions. The trend reflects how modern love stories cross borders more than ever before.
A Pandemic Love Story
Like so many couples, Tiffany and Ben met on a dating app — during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. She was living with her mom in Queens, and he was in the Bronx. They went on ten Zoom dates over two months. For the first video call, Ben wore a suit. “I thought it was hilarious,” Tiffany said. That small gesture showed he was serious about making a good impression, even through a screen. After the vaccines rolled out, they finally met in person. Two years later, he proposed.
Their engagement story included a classic Tiffany touch: a celebratory donut photo that went viral on Cup of Jo. The couple’s path to the altar was shaped by the pandemic, but their love story also highlighted how creativity and patience can build a strong foundation. Zoom dates allowed them to talk deeply without the distraction of a bustling restaurant. They learned each other’s habits, values, and dreams before sharing a physical space. For readers navigating long-distance or early-stage relationships, the takeaway is clear: meaningful connection can grow even when you’re miles apart, as long as you invest genuine time and attention.
Building a Cross-Cultural Relationship
Tiffany is Malaysian Chinese American; Ben is Jewish. Both wanted to honor their heritages in the wedding celebrations. This required open conversations about traditions, family expectations, and logistics. “We talked a lot about what mattered most to each of us,” Tiffany explained. They decided that the first wedding in Brooklyn would incorporate Jewish customs that Ben’s family loved, while the second wedding in Kuala Lumpur would focus on Chinese traditions. This division allowed each event to feel authentic and meaningful without overwhelming guests with too many cultural elements at once.
The decision to hold two weddings also gave them more time to plan each celebration in detail. They didn’t have to compromise on a single venue or timeline. They could design each day around the unique needs of their families. For couples considering multiple celebrations, experts recommend setting a clear budget for each event and communicating openly about priorities. According to wedding planner and cultural consultant Mei-Ling Hopgood, author of Wedding Planning Across Cultures, “The key is to treat each event as its own complete experience, not just a repeat of the first. Otherwise, you risk exhausting yourself and your guests.”
Wedding One: Brooklyn Charm
The first wedding took place in 2024 at Rule Of Thirds, a Japanese restaurant in Brooklyn. The space was intimate and stylish, perfect for a gathering of close family and friends. Tiffany’s father flew in from Malaysia, a journey that underscored how much the event meant to both sides. The ceremony blended Jewish traditions with personal touches. Ben smashed the glass, a joyful moment that signaled the end of the ceremony and the beginning of married life. His father cut the challah, a braided bread that symbolizes unity. The couple also signed a ketubah, a Jewish marriage contract that they composed together. They now hang it above their bed as a daily reminder of their vows.
A Chinese Tea Ceremony in New York
Hosting a Chinese tea ceremony is a big custom to honor elders. Tiffany and Ben wanted to include this tradition even though they were in Brooklyn. The ceremony involves serving tea to parents and older relatives in a specific order, usually starting with the groom’s parents and moving through the family hierarchy. It can take quite a while. “We didn’t realize just how long, so it got very quiet,” Tiffany recalled. At one point, Ben’s little nephew burst out, “When is it gonna be over?” — a moment of comic relief that broke the tension.
After the tea ceremony, the bride and groom traditionally give red envelopes with money to their younger siblings. Since neither Tiffany nor Ben has siblings, they adapted the custom. Ben gave envelopes to his niece and nephew, and Tiffany gave one to her younger cousin, who is like a sister to her. This flexibility shows how traditions can evolve to fit modern family structures. The red envelopes are called hong bao in Mandarin, and they symbolize good luck and prosperity. Giving them to younger family members reinforces bonds across generations.
Personalized Decor and a Meaningful Arch
Tiffany and Ben are resourceful. They found a plain arch on Facebook Marketplace for a bargain price. Then they decorated it themselves, hanging Ben’s grandfather’s tallit (prayer shawl) over it. Ben’s grandparents are no longer alive, so the tallit carried deep emotional weight. “It felt really meaningful to have them up there with us,” Tiffany said. This simple yet powerful DIY project cost minimal money but created a personal tribute that no store-bought decoration could match.
Their recessional song was a Chinese cover of the Cranberries’ Dreams by Faye Wong. Tiffany grew up with that version, and Ben had included it on a playlist when they first started dating. “The DJ played it right as we kissed — it felt like fireworks,” she recalled. Music often becomes a thread that ties a couple’s story together, and this choice merged their cultural worlds perfectly. For the hora, a Jewish dance of joy, both moms were “screaming their heads off” with delight. “I think the hora was my favorite part,” Tiffany said. “It was just so exciting.”
Wedding Two: Kuala Lumpur Celebration
One year later, Tiffany and Ben flew to Kuala Lumpur for the second wedding. The planning process looked very different from the Brooklyn event. In Malaysia, before anything else, Tiffany and her mother had to visit a Buddhist temple and talk to a priest. They gave him their names, birthdays, and times of birth, and he calculated the most auspicious date for the wedding. He chose June 14th. This practice, based on Chinese astrology, is common among traditional families. It ensures the wedding aligns with cosmic harmony, believed to bring good fortune to the couple.
You may also enjoy reading: Outlander Finale Post-Credits: 5 Clues Explained.
Family Support and Traditional Attire
Tiffany’s extended family in Malaysia rolled up their sleeves to help. One aunt hosted the welcome dinner at her house. Another aunt hemmed Tiffany’s dress and found Ben his wedding clothes. The family’s collective effort made the event feel deeply collaborative. “When I think of everything they did for us, it makes me cry,” Tiffany said. This kind of communal support is typical in many Asian cultures, where weddings are seen as a family affair rather than a purely individual celebration.
For the Malaysian wedding, Tiffany wore a kua, a traditional Chinese wedding dress embroidered with gold and red patterns. Ben wore a ma kua, a matching jacket. “They’re a bit complicated to put on, but they’re so beautiful and intricate. The whole idea is ‘more is more.’ You want to do it up — gold everything,” Tiffany explained. Traditional kua often feature phoenixes and dragons, symbols of harmony and prosperity. The bride may also wear a headpiece that resembles a phoenix crown, adding to the opulent look.
The Gatecrashing Tradition
One of the most memorable parts of the Malaysian wedding was the “gatecrashing” tradition. The groom and his groomsmen (and a groomswoman, in their case) arrive at the bride’s family home to “win” her. The bridesmaids set up a series of challenging games. If the groom’s party fails a task, they must pay the bridesmaids — literally. For Tiffany’s wedding, the games included eating rice balls filled with wasabi and performing Chinese calligraphy. One task required a complicated yoga pose in 95-degree heat. The bridesmaids accepted Venmo and USD, a modern twist on an old tradition.
Tiffany watched the gatecrashing via FaceTime from an air-conditioned bedroom, because the bride is traditionally hidden away until she is “won.” The groom must also proclaim his love through the closed door. Ben wrote his own speech and got a relative to translate it into Hakka, the dialect spoken by Tiffany’s family. “I was shocked and touched. Everyone cheered, and I just burst into sobs,” she said. This moment highlighted how much effort Ben put into connecting with his wife’s heritage. For couples in cross-cultural relationships, learning a few phrases or a greeting in your partner’s family language can be a powerful gesture of respect and love.
After the Games: Prayer and Celebration
After the gatecrashing, the couple prayed at the shrine in the aunt’s home. Many Chinese families keep a home altar with ancestral tablets and images of deities. Praying there before the wedding ceremony honors ancestors and asks for blessings. Then the celebration continued with a banquet. Traditional Malaysian Chinese wedding banquets often feature multiple courses, including dishes like roast suckling pig, stir-fried lobster, and braised abalone. The number of courses is usually eight or nine, because the word for “eight” sounds like “prosperity” in Cantonese.
What Tiffany’s Two Weddings Teach Us About Love and Family
Tiffany and Ben’s story offers several valuable lessons for anyone planning their own wedding, especially when multiple cultures are involved. First, it’s okay to have two events. You don’t have to force everyone into one location if that creates hardship for your loved ones. Second, involve your families early and let them help. From hemming dresses to hosting dinners, their contributions make the celebration more meaningful. Third, adapt traditions to your own circumstances. The red envelopes went to a cousin and nephew instead of siblings, and the ketubah was composed together as a couple. These personal twists make the ceremony yours.
Another insight is the importance of humor. The nephew’s “When is it gonna be over?” and the groomsmen sweating through yoga poses in 95-degree heat added levity to serious traditions. Weddings can feel pressured, but laughter keeps everyone grounded. Finally, the two-wedding approach allowed Tiffany and Ben to savor each event fully. They didn’t have to rush through a single jam-packed day. Instead, they had two distinct experiences, each with its own flavor and memories.
For readers considering a similar path, start by listing your non-negotiable traditions. Which cultural elements are essential for you and your partner? Which can be adapted or reserved for a different event? Then check your budget. Two weddings might cost more, but they can also be smaller and more intimate, potentially saving money on guest numbers. Use tools like wedding budget calculators to plan realistic figures. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. Tiffany’s aunts stepped in with sewing and shopping. Your family or friends likely have skills they’re happy to lend.
Practical Tips for Planning Two Weddings
- Set a timeline: Space the events at least six months apart to recover financially and emotionally.
- Communicate clearly: Let both families know the plan early so they can adjust their schedules.
- Assign a point person: For each wedding, designate a family member or friend to help coordinate logistics on the ground, especially if you live far away.
- Keep the focus on your relationship: It’s easy to get swept up in details. Remind yourselves that the purpose is celebrating your love.
The two-wedding path isn’t for everyone, but for couples like Tiffany and Ben, it was the only way to honor their families and their own story. From a simple Facebook Marketplace arch draped with a grandfather’s tallit to a sweaty gatecrashing game in Kuala Lumpur, each moment was steeped in love and intention. Whether you’re planning one wedding or two, the heart of the celebration remains the same: two people promising to build a life together, surrounded by people who care about them.
