Sometimes I worry about losing the connection with my funny, vulnerable little boys as they get older, and, when I mentioned this to Catherine, she replied: “It will be just the way it is now, only they’ll be sweet-hearted young men, and you will feel very short.”
Catherine Newman, a seasoned parent of two, shares her expert advice on raising teenage boys. With her son Ben having recently left the nest for college, she’s witnessed firsthand the challenges and joys of raising a teenager. In this article, we’ll delve into the 21 completely subjective rules she’s learned along the way.
The Main Rule: Love Them Fiercely and Excessively
Before we dive into the rules, it’s essential to remember that the core principle of raising teenage boys is to love them unconditionally. This means being patient, understanding, and supportive, even when they’re not always easy to be around.
Rule 1: Teach Them to Respect Women
Teach your son to respect women as equals, not just as pretty objects on a pedestal. Encourage him to treat women with kindness, empathy, and respect, and to understand that they have the right to their own self-determination, intelligence, and space.
Rule 2: Enjoy Funny Conversations
As your son grows older, you’ll have fewer opportunities to engage in silly conversations. Take advantage of these moments, especially while walking in the woods or cuddled on the couch. These conversations will become some of your favorite memories.
Rule 3: Love Them for Sleeping Late
Teenagers need sleep, and it’s exhausting. Instead of getting frustrated, love them for sleeping in and being lazy. Remember, they’re creating new human flesh every day!
Rule 4: Treat Them with Kindness, Even When They Don’t Notice
Your son may not always notice or appreciate your kindness, but it’s essential to treat him with respect and compassion. Give him donuts, cook his favorite meal, or simply offer a listening ear.
Rule 5: Prepare for Cranky Questions
As your son navigates the world, he’ll inevitably ask cranky questions about food, money, and life in general. Answer with a sunny disposition and remind him that he’s welcome to restock the fridge.
Rule 6: Familiarize Yourself with “Second Dinner”
Teenagers have big appetites, and they often need second helpings. Be prepared with Trader Joe’s frozen entrees and snacks to keep them satisfied.
Rule 7: Enjoy the Gentle, Funny Boy
As your son grows older, he may become more serious and brooding. But don’t forget to appreciate the gentle, funny boy he still is. Laugh at his jokes, and cherish these moments.
Rule 8: Be Trustworthy and Respectful
If your son confides in you about something difficult or challenging, be the first person to offer support and guidance. Let him know that you’re there for him, and that you’ll do your best to help.
Rule 9: Talk About Consent
Sex education is an essential part of raising a teenager. Talk to your son about consent, and watch the British PSA video “Tea and Consent” together as a jumping-off point. Give him space and room to make his own decisions.
Rule 10: Invite His Friends Over
As your son grows older, he’ll want to spend time with his friends. Make your home a welcoming space for his friends, and be open to new experiences.
Rule 11: Provide Fun Activities
Keep a stash of games, musical instruments, and other fun activities on hand to keep your son entertained. This will help him develop new skills, make friends, and have a blast.
Rule 12: Preserve Your Teenager’s Sense of Humor
As your son grows older, he may become more serious and responsible. But don’t forget to preserve his sense of humor. Laugh at his jokes, and cherish these moments.
Rule 13: Support His Interests
Encourage your son to pursue his passions, whether it’s sports, music, or art. Support him financially, emotionally, and logistically, and be proud of his accomplishments.
Rule 14: Be Patient with His Struggles
Raising a teenager is a challenging process, and your son will inevitably face struggles. Be patient with him, and offer guidance and support whenever he needs it.
Rule 15: Practice Active Listening
When your son talks to you, practice active listening. Give him your full attention, and respond thoughtfully. This will help him feel heard and understood.
Rule 16: Respect His Boundaries
As your son grows older, he’ll need more independence. Respect his boundaries, and give him space to make his own decisions.
Rule 17: Be a Role Model
Teenagers learn from what they see, so be a positive role model. Demonstrate good behavior, and set a good example for your son to follow.
Rule 18: Prioritize Quality Time
With busy schedules and extracurricular activities, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. Prioritize quality time with your son, and make an effort to connect with him regularly.
Rule 19: Learn to Let Go
As your son grows older, he’ll need to make his own decisions and learn from his own mistakes. Learn to let go, and trust that he’ll make the right choices.
Rule 20: Show Physical Affection
Physical affection is essential for building a strong relationship with your son. Show him love, hugs, and affection, and he’ll feel seen and loved.
Rule 21: Be Patient with Yourself
Raising a teenager is a challenging process, and you’ll inevitably make mistakes. Be patient with yourself, and remember that you’re doing the best you can.
In conclusion, raising teenage boys is a wild ride, but with the right approach, you can build a strong, loving relationship with your son. Remember to love them fiercely and excessively, teach them to respect women, and prioritize quality time. With these 21 completely subjective rules, you’ll be well on your way to raising a confident, compassionate, and capable young man.
