It Takes a Village: 3 Reasons to Parent in Community

If you came to my house and listened to me parent, you’d hear several things I’ve robbed and duplicated from my village. My kids are called “lovey,” and I say, “That was kind,” instead of “nice” because of my friend Erin. “If you choose to disobey, do things go well for you?” came from Laura. I remind my kids that we are blessed so that we can bless others because of Shelley. And whenever I think my head might explode from parenting and working at home, I’m comforted by Shannon’s voice: “Working moms are not okay. We’re just not.” These phrases have become woven into my parenting because of the privilege I’ve had of parenting alongside these gentle, wise, and generous parents. God gifted me, my spouse, and my kids a village. The season I saw “it takes a village” played out clearest was when we lived overseas.

Why It Takes a Village

For a year, we had just about the most ideal setting for community anyone could ask for: four expat families in one neighborhood on similar schooling schedules. I got a front-row seat to watch them comfort, coach, and teach their children (and sometimes mine) in all kinds of situations. And they saw gifts (even when they’d gone awry) in my children, encouraged me in my struggles and weaknesses, and just generally shared the load of parenting. Our village formed mini-search parties when kids wandered too far, provided last minute dinner invitations and babysitting, and organized neighborhood holiday celebrations.

Three Reasons It Takes a Village

1. We Learn Parenting Tips and Tricks

These days, you can download any parenting book to your phone or tablet with a few clicks. Or find parenting coaches, child psychologists, or other experts (and non-experts) handing out advice and encouragement on social media, blog posts, or podcasts. In some seasons of parenting, I have frantically consumed every resource I could get my hands on. But it was never enough. It’s like the difference between studying a foreign language from a book and being immersed among native speakers. It’s difficult to become fluent without practice, without noticing the structures and flow in real conversations, then trying it out and having a knowledgeable speaker close by to give feedback and encouragement.

Not that, in parenting, anyone could be said to have perfect fluency. And not that we could or should emulate someone down to the “T.” We can “try on” different phrases and patterns and tailor what we like to our families’ needs. It takes a village. Because when we’re immersed in other families’ lives, we have the benefit of observing, asking questions, and then discerning what, if anything, we’d like to incorporate or tweak. We also have the benefit of problem-solving and brainstorming different issues with other parents that know us and our kids.

2. We Learn We’re Not Alone

It’s all too easy to fool ourselves into thinking we’re the only ones struggling with something. Social media is usually the space parents share their highlights. We forget that everyone has things they’re not including in their curated online space. When we parent in community, we see our friends’ kids become dysregulated and melt down. We see our friends become dysregulated and melt down, too. We see a more accurate picture of another family’s reality. And while more “influencers” are trying to use their spaces to share hard things, again, you just can’t beat being with a real person, in a real situation, and having that healing feeling of “me, too.”

3. The Gospel is More Fully Experienced

Parenting in community allows us to see the imperfections of others and empathize with their struggles. When we parent alongside others, we have the opportunity to demonstrate love, compassion, and patience. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

Living in Community

Parenting in community provides opportunities to observe and learn from other parents. We have the benefit of seeing how others handle difficult situations, and we can learn from their experiences. We can also share our own struggles and receive support and encouragement from others.

The Benefits of Parenting in Community

• We can learn parenting tips and tricks from others.
• We can see that we’re not alone in our struggles.
• We can experience the gospel more fully by demonstrating love, compassion, and patience.

Finding Your Village

If you’re looking for a village, don’t be discouraged if you can’t find one right away. You can start small by connecting with friends, family members, or neighbors who have children. You can also join a parenting group or attend a local parenting class. As you build relationships with others, you can start to create a community of support and encouragement.

Conclusion

It takes a village to raise children. By parenting in community, we can learn from others, see that we’re not alone, and experience the gospel more fully. So, let’s pursue a village for ourselves and our families. Let’s seek out others who can support and encourage us on this journey of parenting. And let’s remember that, even when it feels like we’re alone, we’re not. We’re part of a larger community, a village that’s here to help us and support us every step of the way.