When someone comments on your body in an unwelcome way, it can be challenging to know how to respond. You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells, trying not to offend the other person while also setting a clear boundary. But what if you could turn the tables and put yourself back in the position of power, conversationally speaking? Knowing what to say in these situations can be surprisingly helpful, and it’s not just about being polite or avoiding conflict. It’s about taking control of the conversation and redirecting the focus away from your body and onto more meaningful topics.
Body Comments: A Common Part of Western Culture
Body comments — whether they’re compliments or criticisms — are a common part of Western culture. According to Alli Spotts-De Lazzer, a psychotherapist and certified eating disorders specialist, it can be difficult to tell when someone is criticizing you through a body comment versus offering what they believe is a genuine compliment. “Imagine hearing ‘You look great’ while you are hurting,” she says. “It can be a really confusing and uncomfortable experience.”
Why Body Comments Can Be Uncomfortable
Any comment about your body can feel uncomfortable, regardless of the intention. Even something meant as a compliment, like “Wow, you look so good,” can land in a way that ties your worth to your body changing. When appearance gets praised, it can start to feel connected to your value as a person, which can increase anxiety about maintaining that body. According to Lindsie Meek, a psychotherapist and certified eating disorder specialist, this can be especially true for individuals who have struggled with body image issues or eating disorders.
What Not to Say
So, what should you say when someone comments on your body in an unwelcome way? Let’s start with one thing you shouldn’t say: “Thank you.” While it might seem like a polite response, it can unintentionally imply that you welcome the comments. “When you say ‘thank you,’ it can be seen as a way of saying ‘yes, I’m interested in talking about my body,'” says Spotts-De Lazzer. “It’s a way of saying ‘yes, I’m open to receiving body comments.'” Instead, try saying something like “I feel well” or “I’m doing well, thank you.”
Redirecting the Conversation
One of the most effective ways to turn the conversation away from your body is to redirect it onto something else. This can be as simple as asking a question or sharing a personal experience. For example, you could say something like “What made you say that right now?” or “I’m wondering about X.” These types of questions can actually move the conversation forward and invite people to be more precise and thoughtful about body comments.
Subject Shifting
Another way to redirect the conversation is to subject shift. This means changing the topic of conversation without directly addressing the body comment. For example, you could say something like “Anyway, how have you been?” or “Did you end up going on that trip?” This can be a powerful way to continue the conversation without staying in a body-focused space.
Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries is an important part of taking control of the conversation. If someone is commenting on your body in an unwelcome way, it’s okay to say so. You can say something like “Please don’t talk about my body” or “I’m not open to body comments, even positive ones.” Remember, setting boundaries is not about being rude or ungrateful; it’s about taking care of yourself and your own emotional well-being.
7 Surprising Things to Say When Someone Comments on Your Body
1. “This is actually just how my body is. It just is.”
In response to comments like “Wow, you’re so thin,” you could say something like “This is actually just how my body is. It just is.” This response acknowledges the comment without taking the bait and getting drawn into a conversation about your body.
2. “I’m focusing on how I feel, not how I look.”
This response is a great way to shift the focus away from your body and onto your emotional well-being. It’s a way of saying that you’re not interested in talking about your appearance, but rather on how you’re feeling in the moment.
3. “Please don’t talk about my body. It makes me uncomfortable.”
This response is direct and to the point. It lets the other person know that you’re not comfortable discussing your body and that you’d prefer to talk about something else.
4. “I’d rather not talk about my body.”
This response is similar to the previous one, but it’s a bit more polite. It lets the other person know that you’re not interested in discussing your body, but you’re willing to talk about other things.
5. “I’m working on a healthier relationship with my body, so I’m stepping away from conversations like this.”
This response is a great way to set boundaries while also being honest about your own needs and goals. It lets the other person know that you’re not interested in talking about your body because you’re working on a healthier relationship with it.
6. “I’m not open to body comments, even positive ones.”
This response is clear and direct. It lets the other person know that you’re not interested in receiving any comments about your body, whether they’re positive or negative.
7. “Can we keep bodies out of this, please? I’m so excited to connect with you and hear what’s going on for you.”
This response is a great way to set boundaries while also being friendly and inviting. It lets the other person know that you’re not interested in talking about your body, but you’re excited to connect with them on a deeper level.
Conclusion
Knowing what to say when someone comments on your body in an unwelcome way can be surprisingly helpful. It’s not just about being polite or avoiding conflict; it’s about taking control of the conversation and redirecting the focus away from your body and onto more meaningful topics. By using the responses outlined above, you can set boundaries, shift the conversation, and take care of yourself and your own emotional well-being.
Remember, taking care of yourself and your body is an ongoing process. It’s not something that you can do once and then forget about. It’s a continuous process of growth, learning, and self-care. By being mindful of the way you respond to body comments, you can take an important step towards cultivating a healthier relationship with your body and with others.
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